Parental Issues
I was recently having a conversation with my folks, ostensibly to say happy mother's day to my mom, but the conversation tended to range all over. During the hour or so that we talked, the topic of one of my high-school friends came up - don't ask me how, it's too convoluted to say. Anyway, this particular friend was not the best student, but was whip-smart when he was interested in the content. He spoke both English and Greek fluently, due to having a parent from each culture. He also, however, tended to spend most of his time drunk (or drinking)...not to say that I blame him, as I was doing the same thing right next to him. My parents keep in touch with his father, and they knew that he is now a chief in the US Navy and is attending language school. This seemed to surprise them, for what reason, I'm not sure.
This got me wondering. The news that he is a success in the life that he chose for himself seemed to shock my parents - not as greatly as if a chasm had opened underneath them - but more like an oddly shaped shell might shock someone who has lived by the sea their entire life. You'll notice that I define his life as a success without knowing too much about it. I haven't talked to this friend for 10 or so years, but considering that my father ended up his naval career as a chief, I can see how the equivalency would indicate success for them. The really interesting thing to me was to see how my parents still thought of him as if he was 17 years old...the friendly kid who helped their son get drunk and stupid at times. The fact that it shocked them that he could escape from their expectations saddened me...it makes me wonder what they think about me and my siblings. I have no doubt that they're proud of each of us for different reasons, but I would hate to think that secretly my parents are looking at me (or my brother or two sisters) as if we were some exotic shell that they couldn't quite figure out.
I guess, on the other hand, it's good to think that I can escape my parents expectations...if what I do and what I become shocks them, then I can live with that. I hope someday to be just as shocked by my son (and other children, hopefully).
I was recently having a conversation with my folks, ostensibly to say happy mother's day to my mom, but the conversation tended to range all over. During the hour or so that we talked, the topic of one of my high-school friends came up - don't ask me how, it's too convoluted to say. Anyway, this particular friend was not the best student, but was whip-smart when he was interested in the content. He spoke both English and Greek fluently, due to having a parent from each culture. He also, however, tended to spend most of his time drunk (or drinking)...not to say that I blame him, as I was doing the same thing right next to him. My parents keep in touch with his father, and they knew that he is now a chief in the US Navy and is attending language school. This seemed to surprise them, for what reason, I'm not sure.
This got me wondering. The news that he is a success in the life that he chose for himself seemed to shock my parents - not as greatly as if a chasm had opened underneath them - but more like an oddly shaped shell might shock someone who has lived by the sea their entire life. You'll notice that I define his life as a success without knowing too much about it. I haven't talked to this friend for 10 or so years, but considering that my father ended up his naval career as a chief, I can see how the equivalency would indicate success for them. The really interesting thing to me was to see how my parents still thought of him as if he was 17 years old...the friendly kid who helped their son get drunk and stupid at times. The fact that it shocked them that he could escape from their expectations saddened me...it makes me wonder what they think about me and my siblings. I have no doubt that they're proud of each of us for different reasons, but I would hate to think that secretly my parents are looking at me (or my brother or two sisters) as if we were some exotic shell that they couldn't quite figure out.
I guess, on the other hand, it's good to think that I can escape my parents expectations...if what I do and what I become shocks them, then I can live with that. I hope someday to be just as shocked by my son (and other children, hopefully).