Hapax Legomenon

The Art of the Singular

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Familial Emails

I try not to get too political with this blog - simply because I don't want it to become so topical that I can't review it every once in a while and feel like the content is still fresh - however, I've been having a running conversation with my father in law about the state of the American election. As you can probably tell by looking at the blogs to which I link, I consider myself a progressive (I hesitate to use the term liberal because it has so many negative connotations). Well, that's not really the whole picture...I'm actually a progressive on most social issues, but I tend to be very conservative fiscally. Anyway, my father in law is an avowed conservative, and he's been known to send out mass mailings containing all of the sundry conservative group think. Normally I hold my nose, delete the email and go on with my day - after all, what's to be gained by having a virtual run in with the father of my wife? Recently, however, I've gotten a couple of emails from him talking about the whole Swift Boat Veterans for Truth (SBVT) controversy, and I couldn't hold my tongue any longer. For those not initiated (all two of you), the SBVT is a group of Vietnam veterans who have come out to say that Kerry is not a war hero, doesn't deserve the medals he won, and is basically a no good, lying, cheater who has no integrity or honor and doesn't deserve to be president. In the end, most of what they have to say has been contradicted by official Navy documentation and, in some cases, previous statements that individual members of SBVT have made. They seem to be a group of political partisans with an axe to grind and a willing audience to which they can speak.

I consider myself pretty well informed about the state of American politics...I tend to read a wide variety of material from both ends of the political spectrum, and I came to my beliefs not because I limit myself to reading progressive propaganda (trust me, there's enough propaganda on both sides to make this a worthless endeavor). Rather, I've come to my current beliefs through a careful weighing of the arguments that are presented. I try to keep an open mind, but that doesn't mean that I have to simply accept that "all politicians are wicked" and believe that neither party is better than the other. I tend not to take statements at face value, regardless where they come from, and will turn to resources such as www.factcheck.org or www.spinsanity.com to get an accurate view without the political spin.

All that being said, I've been pleasantly surprised at the cordial nature of our discussion. Neither one of us is the type that will scream and yell and get pissed off about this discussion, but it's still touchy. I have, however, been shocked at unfounded accusations that he makes about Kerry with little more than Fox News broadcasts to support him. Quite honestly, I expected more from him...I'm not sure what will come of this conversation, but if it's interesting, I'll keep blogging (and may include some of the emails themselves).

Monday, August 16, 2004

Pure Unadulturated Plagiarism

I've recently received an email from a friend of mine, who is now living and working in Zambia. I'm quoting directly from his email, because it's pretty funny. I'm absolutely certain he would want this anecdote shared with the world. A little background...he recently went back to America for some job related training, and flew with Air France through Paris. He is a Canadian, is married to an American, and loves poking fun at all things American...especially the overblown myth of French hatred. Anyway, here's the pertinent part of the email...

"On the Air France flight, they are taking drink orders with breakfast, and I ask for more water. The stewardess looks confused. I'm on the window, so I'm talking over two other people. I raise my voice a little, but not too loud as I don't want to sound American. Again 'May I have some water?'

She can't hear me. Or she can't understand. Shit. I start to panic. I may have use some French. I may have to say 'l'eau' here. Except I can't remember if it is l'eau or de l'leau. And then what accent do I use? Do I use the flat American one and sound like a cad, or should I put on what I think is a French one and sound like a cad? Again, I try in English: 'May I have some water?'

'Monseuir?' Again the quizical look.

Damn this woman is stupid. Sexy as hell, but stupid. If you are a stewardess, you know how to say 'water' in English. She is messing with my mind. I'm close to panic now. In a flash of brilliance I pick up the other sealed cup of mineral water on my breakfast tray and tap it. 'Water. Please.'

'I'm sorry?'

TABERNAC! I HATE THE FRENCH! She was forcing me to say it in her language, I knew it. I had no choice. I was dying of thirst. Gesticlating wildly with the stupid cup, I belt out in a Texas accent 'l'eau seevooplay.' Loud enough for a radius of 5 aisles to hear. My hand waving the cup in the air above the seat line so everyone behind me can see.

'But Sir,' she says, just as loud so everyone hears, 'that is yogurt.' I looked at what was in my hand. Low fat Peach.

I really wanted to hate her, but she was so nice. Have you ever heard 'yogurt' in a French accent? I still have dreams about it, dude."